Let's not be deep about this.

Enough with the soul searching. And more about that in a moment...

Really, for me, this is just an aesthetic. It's about looking a certain way and feeling a certain way.

We all do that.

Think about it: make up, fake tan, breast enlargement, tattoos, clothes, haircuts and jewellery and diets and bodybuilding.

It's all just about looking a certain way. But we want to look a certain way so we feel a certain way.

The thing about gaining is that it is NONE OF THE ABOVE.

Because fat in mainstream culture equals ugly, shameful, worthless, disempowered. But we don't accept that. Deep down we want to be big despite all the associations mainstream culture has built around fat.

The reason it's revolutionary is we are fucking with the rules about what is beautiful. We take is as a choice, not an unfortunate imposition. 

So I'm at a point where I'm saying "I like this aesthetic. I want to be bigger and enjoy some fat because I think it will make me feel good."

I don't really care what other people think. For the first time. my opinion matters more than theirs.

Don't get me wrong. Absurd extremes in anything are unhealthy. Bodybuilders on steroids, extreme dieters, extreme fatness, obsessions of any kind - any extreme has risk and cost which we have to weigh up before we make a choice.

But for me, gaining size is about my sexuality. It's about MY notion of beauty, and my right to choose it.

And I don't think I need to get deeper than that right now...